Lilies & Larkspur
by Harkman and Teaboy
Summary: "She died for what she believed in." "I would have preferred it if she hadn't died at all." Ianto mourns the death of Toshiko Sato. Very light Janto - not important. Tosh Appreciation Fic.


_This was originally supposed to be for the Alphabet Challenge, but I started writing it today realizing it will take me forever to actually get around to posting this. Plus, I was having one of those days where (I've been sick, don't judge my craziness) I kept thinking to myself, "I really miss Toshiko on Torchwood." And, for the longest time, I've been craving to write a sort of "Tosh Appreciation Fic", and I felt that "Won't Back Down" just didn't really follow those lines. That was more of a "Gwen Gets Shut Down Fic", hahaha. So here it is. I present to you, "Lilies & Larkspur"._

_Enjoy. (:_

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><p>Ianto was sure his request probably caused the florist at the shop he was visiting to furrow her eyebrows in curiosity. It was an odd combination he was asking for – Valley Lilies, Calla Lilies and Larkspur, but the old woman continued on her way, slowly choosing the freshest flowers she could find from her back room garden and handing the three small pots to the Welshman waiting across the counter.<p>

"Would you like a larger pot so you could plant them together?" The woman asked, gesturing to under the counter where she most likely kept a stack handy for costumers that asked for them. Ianto found himself snapping out of a reverie; he was so engulfed by the unique beauty from each flower that he got lost in the mix of whites and purples.

"Oh – uh, no. I'll be fine, thank you. Can you recommend any fertilizer that lengthens their lifespan?" Without a word of response, the florist disappeared back into the garden, and after a few minutes, came back with an unlabeled brown bag, setting it on the counter gently.

"Such a polite young man, you are. Charles and I don't get many handsome blokes coming around here anymore, do we, Charles?" She cooed to the grey Persian cat, supposedly named Charles, as he hopped up on the counter, his piercing green eyes closing contently with a purr as the florist scratched under his chin. Ianto smiled fondly at the scene before the elderly woman turned back to him.

"This bag contains my own special fertilizer. I use it on all of my plants – not all flowers look this good all the time." She laughed lightly, her voice slightly raspy as a cough threatening to wrack her body.

"I'm sure they don't. "

"That's why this is on the house. You take this and use it on those flowers of yours and come back sometime to let me know what you think, yeah?" Charles was now rubbing against Ianto's arm as he gathered up his purchases, careful not to damage the fragile petals or stems of the flowers and tucking the bag of fertilizer under his arm. He took Charles' shedding into consideration – he'd have to buy one of those roll-y devices that got animal hair off clothing.

"Thank you very much; you're too kind. Have a good day." Ianto nodded farewell as he left the florist shop, getting into his own car and heading towards the tourist center that sat above the Torchwood Three headquarters.

**"_Okay. So, if you're seeing this I guess it means I'm, well, dead. I hope it was impressive, not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster."_**

It wasn't _right. _That wasn't how she was supposed to go, no matter how heroic it was. Toshiko Sato was _not _meant to die the way she did. She was supposed to stay with Torchwood – be one of the longest running members… not pass on the way she did. Ianto could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, and he had to push back the emotion that caused him to choke up or else his vision would surely blur.

**"_I just wanted to say... it's okay. It really is." _**

The Welshman couldn't stop replaying Tosh's video where she bid her farewells to the team, a small smile on her face as if she already knew that her time was coming any day. Even though the video automatically deleted itself after it finished playing through, Ianto's mind would not like go of the way she stared into the camera with such acceptance. She was just… waiting. Waiting for the inevitable. Ianto couldn't stand it.

Tosh was the only member of Torchwood Three that Ianto could entrust with his life, knowing fully that she would cherish him as much as he cherished her. They were there with each other through thick and thin; when Gwen would make her amateur mistakes, and Owen or Jack would cause heartache for Tosh and Ianto.

They were both quiet heroes with enough fire and passion to drive Torchwood on their own, and now she was gone.

**"_Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities - and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you."_**

Everyone had Jack to thank, really, Ianto thought to himself as he gripped the steering wheel tighter, keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead for the final few minutes, pulling into the parking lot, and grabbing the flower pots that sat on the seat next to him. Jack Harkness had saved them all.

Tosh, from a life in prison, because her aptitude of intelligence astounded even the highest authorities.

Owen, from a life of being alone, because when he believed all was lost a certain man convinced him to continue saving lives like he'd originally planned.

And Ianto, from the dark depths of his own mind, because although he risked his own life for the one girl he truly loved, Jack showed him that secrets weren't necessary when there were people that cared for him.

**"_And Owen - heh, you never knew... I love you - all of you."_**

The way Tosh ran after love up until the very end never failed to impress Ianto. She dealt with the way Owen literally tore her to pieces emotionally and still continued to follow him with an open door and full heart, all dedicated to man who was as alone as she was. He just wasn't willing to admit it.

It was a silent walk into the heart of the Hub, and as Ianto placed the separate plant pots onto Toshiko's old desk, the echoing sound of familiar footsteps quickened.

"Ianto – are you alright?" Jack kept his distance but still held that dominating presence. The one that wanted to encircle Ianto into the Captain's arms and kiss every tear away, never asking what caused such anguish to torment the Welshman.

"I'm fine," Ianto sighed, lightly pinching a soft Calla lily petal in between his thumb and forefingers, feeling the delicately gorgeous flower threaten to collapse under his touch. It reminded him of a certain Japanese woman that used to slowly break down in his embrace when she'd show up to his house late at night, silently sending Ianto messages of heartbreak and regret. "Just a small token of appreciation for Tosh."

"That's very thoughtful of you. I'm sure she would've loved them." Jack finally broke the barrier, walking up behind Ianto to snake his arms around the Welshman's waste and pull him back against the American's body. Jack rested his chin on Ianto's shoulder, gazing at the flowers with the same distance expression that Ianto had when he first laid eyes on them.

"Are _you _alright, Jack?"

The Captain let out a sigh then, obviously caught up in the identical emotions Ianto was overcome with while driving back to the Hub.

"When I went into that room to first meet Tosh, I met a broken girl, Ianto. One woman with so much potential that was put to the wrong use. All she wanted was to get her mother back, and she went through great feats just to have her family torn from her grasp at the last second." Jack went silent for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being the breathing from the two men and the occasional squawk from Myfawny. When Jack spoke again, his voice was much more controlled; the tears that seemed to be bubbling upwards were now completely subsided.

"What are they? I recognize the lilies, but-"

"Larkspur," Ianto cut in, trailing his gaze over to the light and dark purple flowers, the tiny bunches almost like bellflowers, but not quite. More… exotic. "Lilies and larkspur."

"Sounds like crimson and clover." Jack chuckled, but the sound died quickly. "What do they mean?"

"The smaller lilies I purchased are Lilies of the Valley. Usually they aren't as common as the average lily, and don't resemble what a lily usually looks like. Much tinier, but just as beautiful. It resembles humility and sweetness." Ianto explained, feeling his voice lower unintentionally as he recalled the way Tosh always felt so alone, so different from the rest of the world. But she was one of the most gorgeous woman Ianto had ever met – no man or woman ever took the time to see it. She always made herself so hidden, and the Welshman never understood why.

"That sums Tosh up pretty well. Excellent pick." Jack murmured, but Ianto continued on, gesturing one hand towards the larkspur.

"The Larkspur isn't a very common choice for people to buy because their name isn't well-known like a rose, or a daffodil. I thought purple and white were well-balanced colors – both of which Tosh liked. Larkspur represents an open heart."

_An open heart for one man and one man only, _Ianto thought sullenly. Owen never deserved her, but that never broke Tosh's stride from loving him.

"What are the last ones?" Jack asked, resting his head against the side of Ianto's neck with a small yawn. Ever since they had lost Owen and Tosh, business involving Torchwood was becoming more chaotic by the day. The Rift was spitting out new aliens this way and that, and only having three members was taking its toll on them.

"I kept them all separate because they all show a different side of Tosh," Ianto's voice had dropped to a low mumble, but still loud enough that Jack could hear him.

"The Valley Lilies are the Tosh we all knew, the Larkspur was the face that she wanted Owen to see," both men directed their attention to the final pot which contained the Calla Lilies.

"And the lilies here are the Calla Lilies, which represent what I saw. Calla Lilies show majestic beauty and passion. I'm sure you saw it too, but… I don't think Owen or Gwen would have ever fully comprehended how much Toshiko meant to Torchwood – and to me."

"She died for what she believed in." Jack whispered against Ianto's neck, and the Welshman nodded slowly.

"I would have preferred it if she hadn't died at all."

**"_Okay. So, if you're seeing this I guess it means I'm, well, dead. I hope it was impressive, not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say… It's okay. It really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities – and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen – heh, you never knew… _**

**_I love you. _**

**_All of you._**

**_And I hope I did good."_**

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><p><em>Had to watch through Exit Wounds again to make sure her little speech at the end was correct and of course, I cried my eyes out for the – what is it now? Fourth time? Yeah, I think four times is correct… Oh dear. I miss Tosh. By far my favorite Torchwood character. I hope this does her justice.<em>

_Read, review, & let me know your opinion on Tosh. How she died, how she handled Owen, anything._

_-MJM._


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